The second day of the motivation camp, which is today was very unexpected. There isnt alot of things that can cause me to cry anymore, but today i did.

It started ok.. Towards the middle of the talks, where they talk about the different kind of ppl, who are so innocent and dun have the chance to even lead thier own life, all those who are mentally retarded, all the orphans, children that have AIDs since they are born( they can max live untill 14 yrs old), but still they are so contented, they make full use of watever they can get, and live their life to thier fullest, while we, although we have so much, all we do is just COMPLAIN and BLAME. we never feel contented. Although we had the potential, but we ourselves are not giving ourselves de chance, to choose and lead our life. We are wasting them. This part really inspired me quite abit. We are so much more fortunate, yet we dun treasure, we still compare with something that is better. Ok untill this part, i haven cried yet, it just got me thinking. but some of my friends are crying like mad already, so i pass them my packet of tissue, cos i think i dun nid it. I was TOTALLY WRONG.

Next they started to tell us about how we should treasure ur family. Gosh i hated this part. They talk about how our mother bring us up, so tiring, so painful(they elaborated alot of cos, but i cant say it all out here, cos it will be damn long), yet they never complained, but we as we grow up, we have been using the words that our parents teached us last time to scold them back. We used the hand that they gave us to whack them back, whenever they want to ask us a qn, we say we were busy, whenever they wanted to talk to us, we shut them up, whenever they ask us where we are going, we ask them not to care. But We never never realised how many things our parents did for us when we are young. who is the one that carries us, hug us whenever we are crying when we are a baby. Who is the one that teaches u to learn how to speak, spending hours just to make sure that u can speak? Who is the one that cooked dinner for u so that u can eat once u reached home........ Omg, this is the part that i started to have tears in my eyes. zzz.. I realised that whatever he said applies to me. I have been so ungratful, And i am such a bitch. Omg. Then i started to feel the tears dropping down. So i got no choice but to turn and ask a tissue from my friends. they smiled at me. LOL i must have look wierd, cos i dun really cry so i cant remember how i look if when i cry. But forget it.

and it got worst. They do some visualising activities with us such that we picture things in our head.. We will see ourselves as in the good side of us, my mother, my father. we will say things to them, our inner feeling and all... This make me want to treasure them. I guess that is the whole main purpose of it, but i make me feel terrible, when i am visualising seeing my dad, it is fucking terrible, we are supposed to hug them and all, but i keep thinking, it is too late now. My dad is as good as dead. Even if i wanted to do anything now, none will work. It is so sad. it is like u feel so strongly that u want to do something, but u cant, it wont have any effects. It is gone. The instructorden ask us to tell our parents that we love them, and we should let them feel happy for us, not to cry for us. They only got a few more years to live. They will leave us 1 day.. I feel so strongly because i thought about my father....

So the funny part was, i was so 'motivated' by the instructors, that during lunch break, i just had the urge to give my mum a call. And i did. I went, " Mum," "yes?" " i Love you" and i hung up straight. Omg I bet i gave my mum a shock of her life. I didnt want to listen to her reply, i was scared. I dunno wat she will say. I dun wan to noe. LOL.

Ok so the rest of the camp is quite boring again.. I hated the instructor for making me cry. zzz
This is such a long post...

13/3/09